Who's That Girl?

I'm Just Sayin...

2010-07-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

I want to be a stay at home wife.

It doesn't mean I'm lazy or not driven. It shouldn't imply that I'm not a hard worker or that I can't "cut it" in the work-force.

None of those things are true about me.

I just want to take care of a home and a husband. Make dinner every night. Volunteer in the community. Be crafty.

I'm not talking about the so-called "real housewives" because who the heck really lives like that anyway? I'm not saying I want to be a money spending, plastic surgery addicted, smack talking drama queen.

I'm done helping raise other people kids but not quite ready to raise some of my own (good thing because it's not actually an option at this point) so being a stay-at-home wife sounds like a good plan for a while.

Anything wrong with that?

Marathon Training: The First Few Steps

2010-06-10T03:31:00.000-07:00

Well, marathon training started this week.

I ran a marathon 2 years ago with H, then was told by my podiatrist that I should never run again. In fact, I should never even walk up hill, wear flip flops, heels or do another jumping jack for as long as I live.

So, a year and a half later I decide to sign up for the Chicago Marathon. I'm running for The American Cancer Society in honor of my father, Papa, who passed away from pancreatic cancer almost 8 years ago. My goal was to raise $950 by race day, and I'm happy to say I've already surpassed that and still have donations coming in! Cancer hasn't been cured yet, so there is no point in stopping my fundraising quest!

Anyway, back to what I was saying...because of my foot problems (oh, and I have knee problems too) I've had to manipulate the training plan (Hal Higdon's Intermediate I Marathon Training Plan) to fit my specific limitations.

Instead of running 5 times a week, I'm running 3, doing my other two "runs" on the elliptical or bike to save my foot some pounding. I'm also trying to incorporate one day of swimming (have I ever mentioned that I swam for 10 years?) and a few days of weights.

I have an amazing trainer who has suggested, well, maybe more like insisted, that I start taking protein powder twice a day, as well as glucosamine and glutamine in addition to the other vitamins I already take. I trust this guy so I obediently went out and spent an obscene amount of money stocking up on these items. I tried the protein powder (chocolate, in milk) and was surprised that it wasn't horrible...it actually tasted pretty similar to instant breakfast which I'm a big fan of!

So, for the past month I've been looking down the barrell at training, trying to mentally prepare myself for the months of running to come. I've tried to get control of my eating, start working out regularly and make sure I'm getting enough sleep.

Now, it's finally here...my first training run was Tuesday-a nice 3 mile jaunt in the rain at 630am. Today, in just a few minutes, I'll be lacing up the shoes once again, this time for a 5 mile excursion. No rain today, but I think it's already 70 out and it's not yet 5am!

I don't like running alone, but H and I have decided to train for, and run, the marathon separately this time. I think it'll be my last marathon (unless someone can figure out how to implant a nice cushion in the bottom of my foot) and I want to run it fast. Ok, hold on, don't get crazy on me, I'm not talking Olympic qualifying here. I'm just saying I want to give it my all, pull out all the stops and know that I left everything I have on the streets of Chicago. I don't want to finish this process and look back wishing I had done anything differently. And I don't want to put the pressure of all of this on H.

And H, I do love you, and if it weren't for you, I never would have gotten into running in the first place, but we do have different stride lengths--curse these long legs! I have appreciated your companionship during the good, the bad, and the flat out ugly runs in the past. It just won't be the same running up to the Starbucks door and jumping up and down crying by myself (yes, people, running is emotional) but I look forward to getting together, hopefully on a weekly basis, and rehashing all of our running stories from the week.

H isn't my only running partner. I also have E. Well, you see, E doesn't actually run with me, but I couldn't run without her. She's the lady who will cook up a burger for you at a moments notice when you call her 17 miles into an 18 mile run so you can eat it as soon as you walk in the door. E also is the one who picks me up in random locations throughout the city when my body fails me and I just can't take another step. She sacrifices many hours of conversation--when all H and I can talk about is running...but she listens anyway because she loves and supports us. And come marathon day, you won't hear a louder cowbell and cheerleader! Thanks E!

So, my goals, big and small:

1. Successfully complete marathon training
2. Stretch every day (I know this sounds obvious, but I think H and I stretched all of 3 times last marathon training)
3. Buy new shoes before mine completely fall apart
4. Lose a few lbs in the process (already 4 down from 1 month ago!!!)

5. Pray continually that God will see me through this, because I know I'll never be able to do it on my own
6. Remember that all the glory goes to Him, not me
7. Finish the marathon..
8. Hopefully under 5 hours...
9. Maybe even under 4:30...
10. Even better if under 4hours...
11. Ideally in 3:45
12. Get a massage!

If you feel compelled to donate to the ACS in support of DetermiNation under my name, please visit my facebook page (there goes the anonymous part of this blog) or email me for more information.

Summer In The City

2010-05-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

It's 90 degrees in my lovely city today. And humid too. Oh, and no breeze and not a cloud in the sky. Rocks are melting and I'm not sure, but I think the polar bear at the zoo is on the brink of offing himself.

Maybe the polar bear is female...huh...I always just assume polar bears at zoos are male. Weird.

The heat must really be getting to me...I'm off topic already.

Anyway, it's hot. Capital H*O*T hot!

So, I made some dessert. An ice cream pic...toasted coconut crust, chocolate ice cream, banana and rum filling, to be topped with whipped cream (homemade of course) with cookies and banana slices dipped in chocolate.

Can't wait.

But after the terrible eating this weekend I felt I needed to shed some sweat before enjoying dessert tonight. I did one of my new videos-the cardio one. Man, I still love Bob, and he still kicked my butt! Roomie walked in and said "oh, you're sweaty" yes my dear friend, I am...and proud of it!

images courtesy of weheartit

I Wore A New Outfit For This??

2010-05-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

So, I went on the date tonight. You know the one where he asked me to meet him on a specific street corner at 9pm in the middle of this great big city?

Well, I decided about 2 seconds after agreeing to meet on said corner that I would not actually be going through with that plan, so I told him today I'd meet him at the restaurant instead. I was dropped off by one of my amazing roommates and a good friend. I walked into the restaurant, met up with the date and was seated at the far end of the building. Roomie and Friend followed about 4 minutes later, being seated just a few tables away--turns out Roomie told host that she was here to spy on my date so needed to be close, he agreed to seat them nearby!

**Don't be alarmed...I was the one who told the girls to come to the same restaurant I would be meeting date at.  I think it's hilarious that they were on my date with me...he had no clue and never will, plus I had the added security of knowing help was just a few feet away should I need it.**

Ok, back to the story...he never asked me one single question, hardly even gave me a chance to get a word in...and trust me, I'm a talker so I was looking for opportunity!

The way he views parenting and marriage are very different from how I do. We don't share the same views on purity and the importance of it. Our value of generosity and benevolence are worlds apart.

But even after all this, he told me if I stick around I could go see Grandma's house in Puerto Rico, and when I meet his dad I would see what he means about him.

Really? How can I have such a clear view of our differences (and they are pretty major ones) and he not see them at all?

Ugh!

Eventually, after a few texts with them, Roomie and Friend left, I said I needed to get home soon and would be picked up by roommates at the Sbux next door so we headed out too. He walked me over the the Sbux, we hugged and he left. I waited a few minutes for Roomie and Friend to show up, realized they were getting frozen yogurt next door so walked over to meet them there.

And then, I received a text saying he really wants to get to know me and I shouldn't make him wait tow weeks to see me.

I didn't respond.

Oh, I forgot to mention that he was super bummed I had to leave (though I told him previously I'm not a night person and have to be up early in the morning for church) because he wanted me to go meet some of his friends that were out at a bar nearby.

Yeah, not gonna happen my friend.

So...the moral of this story is:

I have crossed one more guy off the "potential life-mate" list. That means I'm one step closer to finding the guy I will actually spend my life with!!!

I know one day I'll go on a date and things will be different. I'll wish the night would never end instead of looking at my watch every few minutes. I'll be so engrossed in conversation that I'll forget my roommate and friend are two tables away and stop wondering if their conversation is more interesting than mine.

One day I'll be on a date with the man I'm going to marry. But I can safely say, that day was not today.

Good thing tomorrow is a new day and full of new possibilities!

images courtesy of weheartit

Fo' Realz?

2010-05-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

Then there was the time I was asked out on a date. When asked when and where we were meeting, I was told 9pm on the corner of two major streets.

Oh, did I mention this intersection is right by his house and quite a ways from mine? Like too far to walk, and really who wants to take a bus, a cab, or drive to meet a date on the street corner?

Oh my, this doesn't bode well for him now does it?

Fab Friday

2010-05-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

Bought some new workout dvds at good ol' Target last night. Have I mentioned Target is my absolute favorite store?

Anyway, these are the 3 I got. They were only $9 a piece...what a deal!

So far I've tried out part of the cardio one and it totally kicked my bum! Can't wait to try the rest! Oh, and if Bob were straight I'd be after him...I just love that guy!

Humbled...

2010-05-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

So, I know pride is a sin.

It's one that I sometimes struggle with. Which is weird because I HATE being around people with big egos and inflated heads.

Anyway, I had quite the humbling moment the other day.

The trainer I've been seeing at the gym is out sick so they asked me to find another trainer to finish out my sessions. I went up to the fitness desk and talked to the handsome guy who was sitting there, he scheduled me a session with him for the following day.

I came home, told the roomies that I had a pretty cute trainer, but "he works at the gym...really? Like I'd ever be interested."

Remember folks...I'm a nanny.

A profession I LOVE and wouldn't trade for the world. But in the eyes of most people, it's not really on top of the list of jobs to brag about...it's not like being a doctor, lawyer, etc...people don't generally ooh and ahh when you tell them you're a nanny...in fact they almost 100% of the time assume I'm in school to get "a real job" and they are stunned into silence when I tell them I'm not, and in fact I plan on being a nanny till I have kids of my own, then I'll be a stay at home mom.

Anyway...I go to the gym the next day for my session with cute trainer. He ends up being super tall (!!!) and easy to talk to. We banter back and forth. When he asks what I "do" I tell him I'm a nanny-super proud that I finally trump someone in the job category...I mean, though nanny doesn't rank high on any list it certainly has to rank above "personal trainer at generic gym chain" right?

He goes on to say that he's finally going back to school in the fall (I had already found out he's 27) so I figured he was going back to finish up his BA. I ask where he's going and what for. He says:

Northwestern Law

Well, I could have been knocked over with a feather if i hadn't already been laying on the ground stretching.

Seriously made me realize how, even though I am totally happy with my job and I know its where God wants me right now, I still let outside forces (society) tell me I'm not good enough, then I pass that judgment onto others so I can feel better about myself.

Thank you Lord for this lesson in humility. Humbled I am.

Fab Friday

2010-05-14T05:32:00.000-07:00

I love my job. It's crazy and tiring but so rewarding. God has trusted me with two very precious boys...these photos are not of them, but cute none-the-less!

images courtesy of weheartit

Fab Friday

2010-05-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

This Fab Friday finds me headed to Ashville, North Carolina for work...this is what the internet tells me it will look like:

I'm Hooked...

2010-05-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

Like I mentioned before, things have finally clicked. I'm not exactly sure why or how but I do know when:

Yesterday. At the gym. Back row of ellipticals. Me, about 28 minutes in, convinced I'll get off at 30 minutes and run one mile on the treadmill directly in front of me. When, out of nowhere, a handsome, wonderfully scented man hops on the machine right next to me. At this point I decide to keep it up till 45 minutes then run on the treadmill. 45 minutes comes and goes, and handsome-nice-smelling-man finally ends his workout, walks away never to be seen again. (Now this is the important part...) I keep going. Finishing out my 60 minute program and also doing a 3 minute cool-down (because really, who has time to do all 5 minutes??) Last week Linsey would have gotten off at 30 minutes, or at the very least, when Mr. Smellsgood left...ok, lets face it-last week Linsey wasn't at the gym at all!

Whoa!!! I know it's not much, but it was the start. The start of me looking forward to working out again...using it as a reward, not a punishment. Tonight, after packing for a weekend business-trip, I fired up the computer, tuned into Hulu and began the latest episode of Glee (my new favorite show, btw) and all the while I was lifting weights. Nothing too serious, just some arm, chest and shoulder

work. During commercial breaks I did push-ups, and I'm not talking girly push-ups, I'm talking the real deal! Did about 50, I think.

It feels good to once again be thinking of exercise in a positive manor. I feel like me again. And man, do I wish I could sing!

Black-N-White VS Gray

2010-05-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've been scolded for not blogging on a regular basis.

My deepest apologies.

I've been in a slump pretty much all year. A few good days here and there, but mostly it's been a rough go at things. I've had difficulty finding balance in many areas of my life: diet, exercise, finances, time management, time w/God, the list goes on and on.

I am, and always have been, a very black and white person. I see things in highs and lows, yes and no, right and wrong. I have a very hard time ever seeing gray, or even understanding that there might be another way. Now, just because I've always been this way doesn't mean I want to always be this way in the future.

So...I have finally, finally out some systems in place that are allowing me to take baby-steps towards improvement, instead of the giant leaps I've been trying to take which just end up in failure. It's like training, so to speak. I'm a runner, and I know that I could never run a marathon w/out training for it first. So how can I expect myself to be night and day different in some areas of my life with out first taking the "training steps" necessary?

Things I've accomplished of late:

Read a ton of books-several more than I even blogged about.

Started working out with my AMAZING trainer again.

Finally figured out that there are no quick fixes for my lack of motivation and discipline, it's about making one good choice at a time, and not being too hard on myself when/if I mess up.

Saved enough money for vacation spending money, money for the trainer and working on the vacation fund now.

Started doing morning devotionals and journaling daily.

Have set reasonable goals for future improvement in several areas of my life.

Started blogging again!!

Fab Friday

2010-04-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

This is a big year for me and a few of my closest. In honor of the first to cross into the next decade:

And honestly, 30 isn't really old...we still have plenty of b-days to come:

Images courtesy of weheartit.com

Fab Friday

2010-04-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry...no fab Friday today...worked 16.5 hours yesterday and felt every single second of it. Will be back next week, refreshed and inspired!

Fab Friday

2010-04-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

Spring has sprung, and I'm lovin it!

images courtesy of weheartit

2010-04-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

A much needed reminder came in the form of scripture this morning:

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off lately. Working a lot, neglecting important things like spending time in the Word, and just overwhelmed by a sense of blah. This morning I put some new ideas into motion and actually sat down at the kitchen table to eat breakfast (gasp!) instead of eating on my bed while checking facebook. I opened up my daily devotional book and this gem just popped off the page at me. I'm constantly reminded that even if I neglect God, He's still there, waiting for me when I return, and not just empty handed-but with words and deeds that hit home right as I need it.

Thank you God for being more patient than I am stubborn.

2010-04-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been crazy busy lately.

And super uninspired.

I've decided the only way I'm going to get back into blogging is to, well...get back into blogging!

Here's a rundown of the last month:

My car was stolen. Found. Fixed, and (eventually) returned to me.

I dog/cat/house sat for one month, had a 3 day break, then began dog sitting 2 dogs for 9 days.

My little tyke at work is having surgery in two weeks so we've been having at least one doctor appointment a week.

Oh, and we're also potty training the little guy-not sure if you've all had the distinct pleasure of potty training a very stubborn, strong-willed, very bright little boy who DOES NOT want to go on the potty...well, it's as fun as it sounds!

Was asked out, and taken out by a very nice guy, but...I'm just not feeling he's the one.

Been hitting the gym more often trying to get back into shape (thank you holiday season) for summer vacation.

Gave up everything good for the month of April: sugar, fried food, alcohol, going over my daily allotment of calories. Which caused a very severe headache for about a week.

I've read more books than I can count as I continue to eliminate tv from my life.

Started a new Bible study with my amazing small group that also added one more amazing girl...we're up to 4 now!!!

Signed up for the Chicago Marathon, under the American Cancer Society, in honor of my father who passed away from cancer almost 8 years ago and have already raised a little over half my goal in fund-raising!

And that about sums it up!

Hopefully I'll become more inspired and return to posting regularly!

Fab Friday

2010-04-09T04:56:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited for summer, and the sun!

images courtesy of weheartit

Fab Friday

2010-03-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Trying to be perfect is tiring, and very depressing, as it's actually unattainable...I've decided to love Me, just the way I am, flaws included. Now, this doesn't mean I don't have things to work on...because I do...but I'm going to stop comparing myself to my idea of perfection...I'm enough, I'm good enough, I'm ok...and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.

Bookworm

2010-03-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot lately.

I tend to go in phases...read a bunch for a few months then, for no apparent reason, suddenly stop and not pick up another book again for 6 months.

Here is what I've been reading:

The Help by Kathryn Stockett : Absolutely amazing-I am recommending this book to everyone I know. A must read! *****

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout: Pretty good, a little slow to start but an interesting read none the less. ***

Cutting For Stone by Abraham Verghese: This book pulled me in, I couldn't put it down, it's a slower book but fascinating. ****

And I just started Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

Fab Friday

2010-03-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

I am not the kind of girl who orders a salad when I'm on a date...lets face it, the girls on ANTM are so grumpy because they haven't eaten a good burger in months, maybe even years. I'm just not that kinda girl! Some of my favorite things:

Fab Friday

2010-03-12T20:46:00.000-08:00

I know it's almost Saturday but it's been a crazy few days for me...more on that later.

For now...

images courtesy of weheartit

YES!! You Should!

2010-03-11T06:42:00.000-08:00

I've adopted a new approach to life.

Instead of doing what is easy, or what I want to do, I'm going to start doing all the things I should be doing.

I find that most of the time, I end up being really lazy and just doing what requires the least amount of effort. I have a million thoughts a day about all the things I should do.

Simple things, like picking up the socks on the floor instead of walking by, reading from my daily prayer book before bed instead of turning off the light, getting the oil in my car changed today instead of putting it off yet another day (I mean, honestly it's been over a year...I think I've put it off long enough!)

So, my challenge to myself (and to you too) is for the next week (that's only 7 days) doing all those things when you have the "I should" thought. See what it does for your life...I'm interested to find out what it will do to mine!

Image courtesy of weheartit

Philippians

2010-03-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

I read through Philippians today and was convicted of a few things:

2:8. ...he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death...

2:14. Do all things without grumbling or questioning

3:20. But our citizenship is in heaven...

4:6-7. do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

4: 13. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Fab Friday

2010-03-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

I'm getting my hair cut this weekend...I have hair on my mind.

images courtesy of weheartit

Choosing Joy: Picnics

2010-03-04T15:54:00.000-08:00

I've been in a rut of negative thinking lately so I'm choosing joy...today it's picnics...who doesn't love a good picnic?

Images courtesy of weheartit

Him vs. him

2010-03-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

I've been lonely the last few days...I'm house sitting so I'm not at home, surrounded by the usual hubbub of the roomies.

I've been walking around feeling like I'm missing something...and I woke up in the middle of the night realizing what it was.

Sometimes I have to sit myself down and remind myself what I've been praying for:

Lord, please remove all distractions from my life so I may make you the top priority and that I might glorify you in all I do. Please give me wisdom to protect my heart and not get involved with just any man who gives me attention, but to wait patiently for the right man. Lord, I desire to find my worth and value only in you, and not in the praise or attention of anyone here on Earth.

Really...it took me a few days to figure out that the feelings I was having were a direct answer to prayer? Silly Girl!!

All my life I've sought the attention and praise of people, especially men. And, I've received a lot of attention over the years for my looks--honestly I'm not trying to toot my own horn here...just trying to be honest. The last few years, especially 2009, I have been noticing that the attention is much less than it used to be, and though I'm thankful that I'm no longer putting myself in unwise situations, I do tend to miss the attention.

Then I remember what it was like getting involved in friendships and relationships just because I liked that the guy thought I was pretty. I've been reminding myself that that's not the kind of relationship (platonic or romantic) that I need, or even want.

The missing attention has left a void. A void I'm trying to fill with Him. Knowing that if I fill it with anything else I will still be empty. I am valued, loved and adored by Him, and I'm learning to that that is more than enough.

Images courtesy of weheartit

The Plan

2010-02-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

I have, what I refer to as, Adult Onset Christianity.

I wasn't raised going to church, or even talking about Jesus and God. The only exposure to Christianity I had was attending a Lutheran pre-school and going to church with Gma&Gpa on Christmas and Easter.

But then life happened.

There was death, and loss.

I had a hard time coping.

I came to the end of myself and sought out something more. Something more than just me. I needed to know that there was more out there than just me. I no longer desired to be wandering, I needed someone to guide me--a Shepard perhaps.

I knew long before I became a believer that there was a plan for my life. As an AmeriCorps volunteer I worked with children for the first time in my life, and as a 20 year old woman, I knew, I mean, KNEW, I was put on Earth to be a mom. I desire nothing more on this earth than to be a mom, to raise a family, to give my love completely and without hesitation to MY child.

I have given my love to so many children over the years. I've worked with several families and have loved more kids than I can count. But I know when the child is my own (biological or adopted) I will find some sort of 'love reserve tank' I didn't even know existed, and will be able to love that child in a completely unparalleled way.

Since becoming a Christian, I have struggled to understand God's plan for me. I've finally given up the fight for a Happily Ever After on my terms.

I don't know if being a mom and wife is in God's plan. I do believe that He designed us to be in relationship with others and that if I have this desire, He most likely gave it to me...I haven't given up hope of a happily ever after, but I know that once I fully submit to God's plan I'll be free from the constant pulling of the ever-present what-if's and what-should-have-beens.

So this is where I'm at now: I KNOW God does have a plan for me, one that I can't even imagine for myself...I just hope I like it.

Fab Friday

2010-02-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

I'm clearly desiring spring...and someone to share it with!

images courtesy of weheartit

When Happily Ever After Isn't In The Plans...

2010-02-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

As a little girl I was read stories that began, "Once upon a time..." and ended "And they lived happily ever after."

The middle wasn't of any consequence. All I was waiting for was the part where Prince Charming kissed the princess and they lived happily ever after. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel...and thanks to Disney we have, Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, and so many more.

I sometimes get frustrated, feel like a failure because I'm approaching 30 (!!!) and am still looking for my Prince Charming and my happily ever after. My older sister married her high school sweet heart. If you know anything about older sisters (mine in particular) it's that they are perfect (at least in the eyes of the little sister) so when I compare my life to hers, I'm left shaking my head and wondering where I went off course.

Was it when I moved to Denver for AmeriCorps instead of getting a Bachelor's degree? Or when I decided to become a pastry chef instead of something more noble, like being a teacher? Maybe when I fell in love with all the wrong guys?

I've always wanted the cookie cutter life...go to college, get married, have kids. Don't you know my plan was to have 4 kids before my 30th birthday, as well as a loving husband, a nice house, 2 cars and a picket fence? I mean, it's not like I was actually expecting a castle!

I'm failing miserably at that. But...I'm not actually a failure-and that's what I have to remind myself of.

God chose one path for my sister, and another path for me. I'm right where God wants me. I need to remember that I'm only a failure when I compare myself to the plan I made when I was still listening to all those fairy tales. How can I possibly be a failure when I'm being obedient and constantly seeking Him?

It doesn't matter if we ever fulfill the plan we have for ourselves. That's not what this life is about. Are we obedient? Do we live each moment to glorify Him? Is it about His glory and not our own? Are we true to Him even if it goes against every plan we ever had in place?

It's not really about finding Prince Charming and living happily ever after in this life...I'll have my happily ever after with Him when this life is over.

Images courtesy of weheartit

Fab Friday

2010-02-19T15:17:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Anthropologie. Absolutely LOVE it! Wandered in the other day and fell in love with a few things. If clothes from Anthro aren't fab, I don't know what is! Enjoy!

Good-bye Grey's, Hello God!

2010-02-17T20:32:00.000-08:00

Two years ago was the first time I gave something up for Lent.

I gave up celebrity gossip and a few smaller things. Last year I gave up my obsession with finding a husband/getting married and the feelings of failure that I have because I'm not yet married.

I believe when you give something up for Lent it should be something that gets in the way of your relationship with God. Something that you want to reduce or eliminate from your life even after Lent ends on Easter Sunday.

I don't think Lent is about giving up chocolate. Unless somehow chocolate is a major derailer in your pursuit of a deeper relationship with Him.

This year I decided I watch too much tv which takes away from my time with God. I always feel pressure to keep up on the shows I watch because if I don't watch this week I'll have 2 episodes to watch next week and I hate feeling behind! I'm giving up two of my favorite shows because they are dramas and tend to make my heart hurt, whereas the comedies bring laughter and relaxation to my life.

Bye bye Grey's and Private Practice! Maybe I'll see ya after Easter, but then again, maybe not!

By eliminating two hours of tv a week I will now have more time to journal, read the Bible and pray. I'm dedicating those two hours each week to God.

I'm also giving up the feeling of frustration, especially at work. I tend to work on a tight schedule, and also tend to get frustrated if said schedule isn't followed. Alas, I work with children! We are never on the schedule I have planned!! Baby doesn't sleep when I need him too, Boy wakes up from nap grumpy and we spend the afternoon either in tears or time out...what about the library books? They'll be overdue if we don't get them back today!!

Chill out Girl!! It's better to incur a fine from the library than to run around in a frustrated panic...the boys deserve better than that, and honestly, so do I!

My goal is to come up with a short prayer/verse to repeat to myself when I start feeling frustration set in. Giving it to God instead of trying to control the situation myself.

Because, lets face it...I'd rather Him be in charge anyway!

Fallin' For Who??

2010-02-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

There have been very few times in my life where I haven't had a crush on someone. There is usually someone that is the object of my affections, or at least is a possibility.

Right now...there is nobody.

Well, that's not completely true. There is somebody, but it's never gonna work (at least that's what most of my friends say) so I don't really count him.

I do love this song though.

The Un-Valentines Weekend

2010-02-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

I gathered a few of my closest friends this morning and headed out to my favorite brunch place. It was the perfect way to kick off a very happy non-valentinesy day.

This is what I ate:

Looks delicious right? Well, let me tell you-it's one of the most amazing things I've ever eaten...Chocolate Tower French Toast...yum!

After that, one of the roomies and I treated ourselves to a manicure: Suzi Skis In The Pyrenees-Suede to go along with the pedicure I got yesterday: Mad As A Hatter (Alice In Wonderland Collection)

So, I had a weekend full of friends, chocolate and sparkles...who needs flowers and jewelery on Valentines Day anyway?

So-Long Old Friend

2010-02-13T21:21:00.000-08:00

I have an unhealthy attachment to my stuff.

Not in a, I have such great stuff and let everyone know about it, kind of way.

But in a, it's really hard to get rid of things because I'm afraid I'll also lose the memory, kind of way.

The past few weeks I've been spending a few nights a week and several hours on the weekend going through all my stuff. I'm not joking when I say ALL my stuff. My goal is to have gone through and physically touched each item I own by March 1st. My hope is that in the process I'll realize I don't need a bunch of the stuff and decide to donate or toss it...which ever seems appropriate.

Some of the stuff I've found I had no idea I even still owned. Other stuff, I knew was there but haven't touched in months or even years. I had to enlist the help of my roommates-some stuff I just wasn't sure if I should keep or toss. Like the quilt my great-aunt made me when I was a teenager. She gave it to me on my birthday the year her husband died. I loved the quilt. I used it for years, but haven't in almost 5...I took pictures of it and donated it. Someone, somewhere is going to find the quilt and love it the same way I do.

The embroidered flour-sack dish towels Grandma made for me 8 years ago, that have been used and used and used. "Keep the best one and get rid of the rest" my roomie said. Mom said "Grandma would love to know you've worn them out, she'll make you more, just ask." I decided to keep them until I'm in possession of the new ones...just couldn't part ways with them yet!

I took a car load of stuff to the Salvation Army this afternoon and as I handed the man my great-aunt's quilt I felt as though I was leaving a good friend at the airport or train station. My life has not been terrible byany means, but at some points my things were my only constant. The only thing that was always there no matter what.

My memories are not tied up in things. I will remember the year I slept on an old futon mattress in Denver using my great-aunt's quilt even though I no longer have it. My memories are not gone...if anything, going through all this stuff again has made them even more clear.

I Am Most Myself When...

2010-02-12T22:48:00.000-08:00

I read this and this and decided to do my own version...

I am most myself when I am underwater, pushing off the wall, bubbles blowing out my nose surrounded by the whooshing of water in a swimming pool.

I am most myself when I am on the couch with my girls wearing sweats and eating ice cream, laughing at all the silly things we've said and done.

I am most myself when I am singing at the top of my voice (not caring who hears) in Worship of Him.

I am most myself when I feel truly loved and understood.

Fab Friday

2010-02-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

I'm starting a new regular post for Fridays.

You guessed it...Fab Fridays!

I see so many fabulous things, and now I have a place to post them.

Enjoy!

Images courtesy of weheartit

Captain Phil Harris

2010-02-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

I love Discovery's Deadliest Catch.

I love Captain Phil Harris.

He reminds me of my dad...a lot.

Captain Phil died last night after complications from a stroke he suffered late in January.

He was the life of the show and though I'll continue to watch, it just won't be the same without him.

It's a sad day.

Rest in peace Captain Phil.

Living In The Gray

2010-02-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

There is a long list of things I'm good at.

Living in the gray is not on that list.

I'm certainly a "type A" black and white person. I've never been one to do something half-way. It's all or nothing baby!

2010 is the year I'm really going to try and break this habit. The habit of giving something completely up one week and then binging on it the next. Of eating the same cereal every single day for 6 months and then never eating it again. I either workout incessantly or not at all; read a book day and night neglecting all else or not read for months.

Gray.

I'm still getting used to the idea, but I'm ready to attack it full force.

wait...i might have missed the point here...

For some inspiration I decided to find the beauty in gray...

images courtesy of weheartit

Just Another Manic Monday...

2010-02-08T04:21:00.000-08:00

I have been hitting the snooze alarm several times each morning.
This is not typical for me. I usually spring right out of bed with a smile on my face ready to start the day.

Not so, lately.

I've been staying up too late which makes it impossible to get up at 5am and head to the gym for a strength training class followed by 30-45 minutes of cardio...I ended up only working out twice last week, and apparently I'm not going to make it today either...oops!

I know my body and I know how rough my day is if I'm tired. Maybe I'll extend myself a little grace, try to live in the gray a little more and not be so hard on myself.

Image courtesy of weheartit

Sunday

2010-02-07T15:42:00.000-08:00

I used to think getting up on Sunday and going to church was such a pain...I mean, I'm tired, I still have so much to do before work tomorrow, I don't know what to wear...the excuses were endless!

Lately though, I look forward to it. I am eager to hear the message, to worship in song, and to be surrounded by some of my closest friends.

My relationship with God has a long way to go, but then again, aren't we all a work in progress? I'm learning to be more intentional with my faith, and making God a priority instead of just giving what's left over at the end of the day.

Sarah Markley posted at (In)Courage today...it's a great read-check it out!

Image courtesy of weheartit.com

Peaceful, Easy Feeling

2010-02-06T21:27:00.000-08:00

God has really been showing up lately.

I mean, I know He's always there, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Lately though, I've been noticing Him in the big and small things.

I think it might be because I've been spending more time in prayer and in the Word.

A calming peaceful feeling is surrounding me and I love it!

Image courtesy of weheartit.com

Just Friends?

2010-02-05T19:59:00.000-08:00

Now, I know I'm a pretty girl and I'm smarter than the average bear too.

That's not an ego, pride or arrogance speaking--it's just plain truth.

I'd be a liar and an idiot if I claimed any different.

Ok, so that's out of the way...back to what I was saying.

Though I am aware of my many charms, I am generally completely unaware of said charms actually working on someone of the opposite sex. I am not one who uses her 'womanly wiles' to get free drinks, meals, movies, or even to get out of a speeding ticket.

So, when someone (be it friend or complete stranger) tells me I'm great and wants to take me out, I'm stunned. I think I'm usually more stunned when it's a friend--someone who has seen all sides of me-not just the cute outfit and made-up face. Some friends have seen it all-the oreo binges, saggy and faded sweat pants, sweaty pits and messy frizzy hair. And they've heard it all too; the rants on all things annoying, my theories on what the H is wrong with men, and the self-deprecating humor.

Why, then do they ask me out?

I still am at a loss here. I get it when someone meets me for the first time and thinks I must be a nice quiet girl so they ask me out. I don't understand it when someone who has seen all sides of me then wants to get to know me in a dating capacity.

But, lets face the facts kids-I hardly ever get asked out--it's not like this is a serious problem...

Image courtesy of weheartit

The Breakfast Club-Movie Night

2010-02-04T22:59:00.000-08:00

A few of us get together every Thursday, have dinner and watch a movie. I said I'd host this week.

So, I made breakfast.

Yep, that's right-breakfast for dinner.

Home made blueberry pancakes, hash browns, bacon, fruit and orange juice.

Then we watched The Breakfast Club.

What a good night!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

2010-02-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Image from weheartit

Brand New Day

2010-02-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this song and it really is hitting home right now.

Last year was a tough one.

This year started off rough,

but I feel things shifting,

turning a corner.

For the first time,

in such a long, long time,

I know I'll be ok!

The Real Me

2010-02-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

I saw this over the weekend and I can't get it out of my head.

I'm going to be making some changes in my life. Living it the way I've wanted but been too scared to.

Too scared of what others would think

scared that I might make a mistake

if I tried something new

scared to be the real me that I know is in there

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going on some self-indulgent kick. I'm not forgetting, ignoring or downplaying God. Just the opposite here. I'm going to start living more for God, and honoring him in the ways I've been scared to...like figuring out how I can go to Africa for a missions trip.

I'm also going to make changes that have nothing to do with God...like wearing the clothes I like and not worrying if someone thinks I look silly...who cares, right? Didn't I graduate high school a long time ago? Why then am I still so concerned with what others think of me?

I'm reading this book and I think it has really out a bee in my bonnet about this topic.

I'm tired of not feeling like I can be my true self, or apologizing for it when I am. God made me in His image and He loves me, I don't need the approval of others.

I might just buy that super cute journal too...if you want to you can do it here.

Much Too Much

2010-01-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

I think I might have a problem. And I'm being serious here.

It's been something that's happened frequently throughout my life but has never really been an issue because I have a fast metabolism and also happen to be a work-out fanatic.

But...I think I might be a binge eater.

I don't want to diagnose myself, and I will certainly do more research on the matter but I have found great comfort in knowing that, if I am, I'm certainly not alone.

Miss Meg's blog has resonated with me since I started reading it but after how I've been feeling/eating/rationalizing this week it's really hit home.

How Do You Know

2010-01-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

When you are really in love?

If it's possible to be truly happy?

What beauty is?

Who your true friends are?

New Years Resolutions 2010

2010-01-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

* pay down my debt by at least 50%

* READ one book per month

* spend time in prayer and in the Word daily

* eat at least one serving of veggies per day

* floss nightly

* donate $ whenever asked at checkout stands

* workout regularly (3-5 times per week)

* bake or cook one new thing a week

* make a list of things (big or small) to accomplish by my birthday and get them done

The Greatest Gift of All

2010-01-14T11:45:00.000-08:00

After Christmas so many people complain that they didn't get what they really wanted-myself included. My favorite gift this year from my family was the Jiffy Lube gift cards. My family ~~requests~~ requires a Christmas list e-mailed by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. Though I never really need anything, I come up with some great stuff that I would never buy myself. The thing is...I hardly ever get the things I put on my list. Why then, I ask, am I required to write a list?

Anyway, the whole reason we celebrate Christmas is because it's a reminder that we've already received the greatest gift of all. No matter how well someone knows us, or how much money/time/effort they put into a gift for us, we will never receive a better, more perfect gift than the one God has already given us...His Son.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.

Ephesians 2:8

Day 1: A Fresh Start

2010-01-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

I've blogged now for almost a year. I decided I needed a fresh start, a clean slate. My life is a lot different now than it was just one year ago...I'm a different person in so many ways, my old blog just didn't seem to fit anymore.

So, Who's That Girl was born.

An anonymous blog for my ramblings and thoughts...a safe place for me to share my deepest insights and true feelings without having to worry about Boyfriend, reading all about it. Because lets face it-a girl needs a place to talk about her date last night, the awkward moments (and everything else that goes along with a new relationship) without wondering if Boyfriend is logging on and getting a glimpse into the inner-workings of the female mind. I mean, there is a time and place for everything...but he doesn't need to see the crazy in full-force right off the bat.

I'd love input, ideas, etc. I'm open to trying new things as I enter this year with an open mind and a new place to share.

I hope you enjoy Who's That Girl...but if you already know who I am please don't follow me publicly...lets make this our little secret!